Reproductive Intentions: Communicating With Your Partner

WHAT ARE YOUR REPRODUCTIVE INTENTIONS?

*If you are not currently in a sexually active relationship, you are welcome to skip this topic; however, I do recommend that you familiarise yourself with these ideas and talking points so that you can navigate this in the future*

If you are in a sexually active relationship with someone of the opposite sex, pregnancy is a possibility. How you feel about a potential pregnancy, and what you would do about a potential pregnancy if it should occur, are two topics that should be discussed thoroughly between you and your sexual partner.

As with most things in life, our attitudes toward a future potential pregnancy are influenced by a multitude of factors and are rarely “black and white”. In fact, we are likely to fluctuate within a spectrum or continuum of possible attitudes toward a potential pregnancy.

It’s never quite as simple as “we are avoiding a pregnancy” or “we are trying to achieve a pregnancy”.

This scope for nuance and shades of grey in our reproductive intentions is what makes it so important for us to communicate fearlessly and honestly about this with our sexual partners.

Having a clear understanding of your own feelings about a potential pregnancy is the cornerstone from which you will navigate the different phases of your fertility cycle every month. And because it takes two to tango (so to speak!), it’s important that you also have a clear understanding of your partners feelings toward a potential pregnancy, too.

Once you both understand exactly where you stand, you can make fully informed choices together as to how you will navigate each phase of your fertility cycle, what measures you will take to increase or reduce your chances of a pregnancy, and how you will respond should an accidental pregnancy occur. The same applies for those who are trying to achieve a pregnancy: to what measures will you go to achieve your goal, and are you both on the same page about this?

These conversations can be messy, painful, awkward and even confusing. To make things easier, it is recommended that you each take some time (separately) to peruse the “Reproductive Intentions Scale” graphic below.

Take some time to sit down somewhere quiet and get honest with yourself about how you are feeling about the possibility of a future pregnancy. Work up or down the scale until you find the number that you feel best represents your feelings. There is no wrong answer here. Have your partner do the same.

Then, reconnect with your partner to discuss your choices. Are you both at the same point on the Reproductive Intentions Scale? If so, great! You’re both on the same page, and you can now use this information to develop a game plan for how you will navigate each different phase of your fertility cycle each month.

If you and your partner are at different points on the Reproductive Intentions Scale, this is ok, too. You are both separate individuals with your own valid and important reasons for feeling the way that you do. Now is a good time to see whether there is any room for movement as you try to compromise to find a number on the scale that is acceptable to the both of you.

However, it’s important to remember that your bodily autonomy does supersede your partners wishes when it comes to your own reproductive organs. What you choose to do is entirely your prerogative. It is never ok for a sexual partner to sabotage or tamper with your birth control, force or coerce you to become pregnant, abort a pregnancy, or to continue with a pregnancy that you don’t want. This is known as reproductive coercion and is a form of abuse.

If you’re finding that there is significant tension or misalignment between both your and your partners position on the Reproductive Intentions Scale, it may be advisable to invest in some counselling (both individual and as a couple) to work through any underlying issues.