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Navigating the Fertile Window: Abstinence and Alternative Sex

ABSTINENCE DURING THE FERTILE WINDOW: THE GOLD STANDARD

No method of contraception is 100% effective, apart from abstinence.

Abstinence refers to the act of abstaining from all “penis in vagina” sexual activity (sometimes abbreviated as PIV sex).

With perfect use, the Symptothermal Method can be up to 99.6% effective. If you would like to reach 99.6% effectiveness with the Symptothermal Method, you will need to abstain from all PIV sex during your fertile window. 

For some couples, abstinence is not acceptable for their relationship and their sex lives. For other couples, abstaining from PIV sex during the fertile window provides the perfect incentive to explore other avenues of intimacy. This can be especially helpful given our societal focus on heterosexual penetrative sex that often favours the male orgasm – having a week or more to focus on other types of sex can be a welcome change for many couples.

 

 

ALTERNATIVES TO PIV SEX: Pleasure without penetration

 

Non-sexual intimacy

Some couples enjoy using the fertile window to focus on non-sexual forms of intimacy. They may spend time reading together, heading out for dinner, having more in-depth conversations, going on a picnic, taking an art class or listening to live music. The fertile window can be a great time to consciously reconnect with each other away from the pressures of life.

 

Sex toys

Some couples enjoy using sex toys together to achieve pleasure during the fertile window. It’s always a good idea to do your homework before purchasing sex toys. The sex toy market is largely unregulated, and many sex toys come with toxic chemicals that can be directly absorbed by vaginal or anal mucus membranes. Many of these chemicals are also known endocrine disruptors (such as phthalates). Endocrine disruptors are chemicals that mimic our reproductive hormones and can cause hormonal havoc and imbalance.

Some sex toys are also made of porous materials which can harbor bacteria, others are made with PVC that contains chlorine, still others are coated in metallic paint or contain cadmium.

Physical reactions to these types of sex toys can include burning, numbness, blistering, pain, swelling, headaches, nausea, peeling skin, recurring UTIs, lower back pain and more.

As a minimum, it’s best to purchase from a trusted retailer (not Amazon) and opt for sex toys that are made from the same ingredients as kitchen tools: pure silicone, stainless steel, glass, sealed wood, aluminium, ceramic, stone, acrylic and hard plastic.

To learn more,  I recommend reading:

https://heyepiphora.com/2017/08/your-genitals-deserve-better-the-case-against-toxic-sex-toys/

http://dangerouslilly.com/toxictoys/

https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/184960/toxic_sex_toys_what_to_know_before_you_buy/

As of late 2019, the International Standardisation Authority (ISO) has established a new project committee to develop a standard on sex toys design and safety. It’s unclear how long this project will take, but this is good news for the future of body-safe sex toys.

https://www.iso.org/committee/7647858.html

 

Oral sex

Oral sex involves using your mouth to stimulate your partner, and vice versa. It is a great alternative to traditional PIV sex during the fertile window.

 

Anal sex

Anal sex offers an alternative to PIV penetration during the fertile window; however, it does carry a risk of pregnancy as sperm can easily drip toward the vaginal opening (although this largely depends on your sexual position). I have personally seen a number of pregnancies occur due to unprotected anal sex so I recommend using protection (condoms and/or withdrawal) if you choose to engage in anal sex during the fertile window.  As with all sexual behaviour during the fertile window, both you and your partner need to be informed of and comfortable with this risk.

 

Mutual masturbation

Mutual masturbation usually involves using your hands to stimulate either yourself or your partner. This can be a great opportunity for both you and your partner to “teach” each other what types of touch you enjoy.

If you have never masturbated before, or are interested in learning more about how to masturbate, you may want to visit the OMGYes website: https://www.omgyes.com/ . For a reasonable payment, you can access the website to read about different female masturbation techniques, watch demonstration videos and hear about other peoples’ experiences.

Masturbation is normal and healthy, and is a key part of learning what we like and what we don’t like. Understanding our own unique sexual preferences can make it easier to communicate with our partner to achieve sexual pleasure when we are having traditional PIV sex.

 

You can also explore:

Ultimately, if you choose to abstain from PIV sex during the fertile window, you and your partner have a range of alternative sex options to choose from.

If you feel as though you need more options and ideas, try reading the book She Comes First by Ian Kerner together with your partner. Ian delivers a treasure trove of techniques and wisdom for couples to learn more about achieving female orgasm.

Another fantastic book is Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski who explores the brain science of how female sexuality works – an absolute gamechanger in the bedroom!